OTGW Bloopers
by scrollingstuff
Summary: A fic in which Greg throws things, The Woodsmen can't stop coughing, Beatrice complains about her screen time, and Wirt fails at everything.
1. Chapter 1

**Oh boy...i really have to explain myself for this one. So, this story was already written by my IRL friend Fuyo no sensi. Well, i didn't just copy and paste her story here, i'm doing my own version with a few minor scenes kept in. You see, she hasn't been able to update the story because she's never had time to rewatch the episodes and she's currently focusing on another OTGW fic she's writing, so she asked me to do it. The idea and the credit goes to her and seriously recommend you read her stuff.**

"Tambourine, Leg-Face McCullen, Artichoke, Pengu-WOAH!" Greg yelped as he lost his balance on the large tree root that him and Wirt had been walking upon. "Greg!" His older brother cried. Wirt tried to catch him before it'd be too late, but Greg was seen lying on the mattresses below flat on his face.

"I'm okay!"

* * *

"But i think the very worst name for this frog is-"

"Wait! Wait a second."

Wirt's arm reached out to halt his brother, but he was too forceful and accidentally slapped Greg.

"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! You okay, Greg?"

Greg rubbed a part of his forehead for a few seconds, but responded with a reassuring thumbs up.

* * *

"Though i am lost, my wounded heart...my wounded heart...oh dear."

"Cut! Wirt! Did you forget the poetry?" Screamed the director.

The elder brother stood there sheepishly and felt very stupid. "Maybe..."

The director slowly placed his face into the palm of his hand and groaned.

* * *

Wirt and Greg's heads perked up as they heard the sounds of an axe slicing it's way through a tree. Both of them scurried over to a nearby tree and Wirt peeked out from behind it. "Do you think it's some deranged lunatic waiting out there with an- AH! Bleh!"

Greg fell onto his back and laughed as he watched his brother flubbed his line. "You know for someone with a way of words, you sure mess up on them a lot."

* * *

A man came into the set with a strange piece of plastic that was big, green, and had an odd shape. They placed it onto the branch of one of he fake trees. "Okay, Greg." The director said as he pointed to the weird object. "You need to look directly at this every time we tell you to. It's to give off an illusion that the bird is really there."

Greg titled his head in confusion. "That's one ugly bird."

At that moment, Wirt walked back onto the set after he took a break. "Um, Mr. Director, sir. I'm ready."

Before anyone could say anything else, the director lowered his head as his body started to shake. Was he laughing?

"Uh, are you okay?" Wirt asked. The director said nothing and covered his mouth. It didn't take long for Greg to start giggling quietly under his breath. "Your hat is funny, Wirt!"

"Huh? My hat?"

He took his hat from his head and looked at it firmly. Someone had taken a black marker and wrote "DUNCE" across it. "Beatrice!" Wirt growled.

Beatrice came out from hiding with a giant smirk. "That's what you get for messing up your lines."

* * *

"Calm down mister! Wh-whatever you do here is your business! We just want to go home with all of our arms and legs attached!"

"These woods are no place for children. Don't you know..."

The Woodsman was cut off by fits of coughing. "I'm sorry...I've just never really raised my voice like that in a long time."

Greg walked up to him and gently padded him on the back as he pulled out a piece of candy. "Don't feel bad, Mr. Woodsman, here take some." The old man's eyes softened. "Thank you."

* * *

As The Woodsman left his house, the two brothers stood there in silence not knowing how to react to anything. "Huh. I guess we could just leave...but, uh..i don't know."

The younger brother walked over to the left and picked up a piece of wood.

"Greg!"

"What?" He replied. He softly tossed the plank into the air and then swung it around without any reason. Greg swung it a few more times, but he ended up swinging too fast as it slipped from his hands and was tossed forward and hit Wirt swiftly in the gut. He placed his arms around his stomach underneath his cloak and wheezed before dropping onto the floor. "Mr. Director, i think i broke Wirt."

* * *

"I don't know, sometime i feel like i'm a boat..."

Wirt pressed his head onto the bed he we laying on, trying to remember his poetry. "God damn it!"

"Hey! Not in front of your little brother!" The director screeched.

"Nah, it's okay! He swears in front of me a lot, but i don't repeat any of it." Immediately, everyone in the studio, even the cameramen, looked at Wirt with disproving stairs. He smiled nervously and blushed.


	2. Chapter 2

"Kitty? Kitty? Where did that frog go?"

Greg looked all around for his pet, but then he was suddenly interrupted when he fell backwards. All he did was lie there silently for a few seconds.

"I tripped over my own candy trail!"

Everyone on the set giggled at Greg's improvisation. Even the director chuckled a bit. "No need to redo that scene, actually. That was kinda cute."

Beatrice gave him a smirk. "Aww, under all that screaming and migraines, your kind of a softie."

* * *

Wirt sat down on the sofa, puzzled as he stared at the kendama he was given.

"Uh, director?"

The director responded with a loud groan. "What is it, Wirt?"

"Where exactly did i get this...in the story, i mean."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the Woodsmen couldn't of had it, since why on earth would he keep a children's toy like this? And why would i? Most kids my age don't-"

"Just shut up and do the scene."

The teen rolled his eyes, but when along with it anyway. Once the cameras started rolling, he played with it as he was supposed to. But alas, about the third time he tried to whack the ball at the end, it immediately smacked him in the face.

* * *

"Run, run, run, run, RUN!" The elder brother screamed as he ran out the door. Greg stared at the direction he was told to look at, despite nothing being there at all. All he knew about it is that it had to do with something called "See gee eye" or something. Quickly, he reached down into his pants to pull out the candy he was supposed to throw. "Candy camouflage! " He cried, but nothing was in his hands.

"Greg! Where's the candy!" The director said while nearly pulling his hair out.

"Oops. I think i ate it all."

* * *

After the brothers got dunked into the water, they both swam to the surface and started gasping for air. Wirt got out with the fake axe, while his brother came out riding on the back of a tall dog. "Hey Wirt! Look! He spat out that turtle and now he's my new best friend!"

The dog quickly shook him off, however. But instead of just walking off the set like he was supposed to, the dog turned the other way and leaped forward, pinning Wirt down in the process. The wind was knocked out of him and his slammed down on the ground and his face got covered in drool as he was licked.

"Wirt, i was wrong, He's YOUR new best friend."

* * *

As the Woodsman yelled his warnings of the Beast, both children tried to cross the stream with the rocks that stuck out among the river. "Beware the Unknown! Fear the Beast! And leave these woods!...if you can."

Wirt stared back at him, thinking to himself. **How hammy can this guys acting get?** But of course, this distracted Wirt and he ended up slipping on one of rocks, landing in the water with a splash. **I should stop thinking these kinds of things.**

* * *

Beatrice leaned forward on the desk in the director's office. "Tell me again why i can't show more of my human form?"

The director just sighed and shook his head. "You're cursed! You're supposed to be bird for a majority of the story!"

"But can i at least show myself transforming back into a human at the end?"

"Bea, you know that'll be more effective if we save it for the exact end."

"But i want my face to be known! I don't want to just use my voice for some dumb cartoon bird!"

She crossed her arms and glared until she heard snickering from the hallway. The redhead aggressively stomped to the door and opened it more. Behind it was a girl caught frozen in her tracks trying hard not to laugh as she held onto her phone, which she had used to record Beatrice's rage.

"Lorna! What the hell!"


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, what's that noise?" Gregory asked with his eyes widening curiously.

"It's probably nothing" Wirt replied. Before Wirt could say anything more, he noticed a small wooden sign hanging just below a tree. "Hey, what's this?" He crouched own to read the small sign. Upon reading it, the older brother began to glare at it, very unamused.

"Really Beatrice? Friends don't let friends be gnomes?" Beatrice could be heard laughing at the other end of the set.

* * *

Greg walked toward a thorn bush with his head turning left and right. "Hello?" He asked the voice that had been calling him. Now, because Beatrice's bird form was done in CGI, there was nothing in the bush at all, but she would be integrated and animated in later. But this would often lead to Greg not being able to take it seriously.

"You mean i get a w-w-w..." The eight year old was cut off by his own laughing, and soon he was rolling on the floor. "Cut! Greg was is it this time!?" The young brother turned other so he was lying on his belly and faced the director. "It looked like i was talking to the bush!"

* * *

Wirt's words stumbled around as he tried to reject Beatrice's offer to see Adelaide. "No, no, no, no, no. Magic talking birds... leading us to fairy godmothers..in the mystethious-BLAH!"

The director face palmed. "Did you really just say mystethious?"

Wirt looked down on the ground. "Yes..."

* * *

"Aha! Civilization! See!" Wirt exclaimed as found the old town of Pottsfield. And immediately, as soon as he walked forward, his foot got stuck in a pumpkin and it made a loud squishing sound. "What the?"

And of course, everybody on the set began laughing. "Oh god, Wirt. You probably need me to help you, don't you?" Beatrice said with her arms crossed. But Wirt managed to shake the pumpkin off on his own. "Let's keep that in!" The director yelled.

Wirt buried his face in his hands. "Why?"

* * *

"'Scuse me!" Wirt asked as he knocked at the door on one of the houses. "Heeeeello?"

Just when he creaked the door open slightly, a turkey sprang out and pinned Wirt down on the ground. He gave out a little yelp as it happened and was terrified greatly. "I thought you said he wouldn't do that!" He cried out and the turkey began pecking at him and flapping his wings at him.

Beatrice saw her opportunity. "Now's your chance, Wirt! Punch it! Punch it the face!"

He turned his head, looked at her, and gave out a loud reply. "Oh. Heck. No"

Eventually, a crew member finally got up an grabbed the humongous bird. Once it was taken away, it's poor victim sat up and shuddered with his arms wrapped around. "Turkeys are terrifying. "

* * *

A huge pumpkin held up by strings looked down on Wirt. "Let's not jump to any conclusions." He deep voiced bellowed as he spoke to his villagers, who were all just actors dressed in pumpkins. "Now, let's see bo-" When the large pumpkin-like creature tried to lean forward, it's head fell off and rolled around on the ground. Everyone stepped back to avoid getting hit by it. "Welp!" Said Greg. "At least it didn't break."


	4. Chapter 4: Wirt gets rekt

After Wirt and Greg loaded cart filled with fake pumpkins made from Styrofoam, one of the turkeys latched onto it reached over and snatched Wirt's hat off of his head with it's mouth. He attempted to leap up and grab it from them, but he was pulled down by the weight of the chain on his leg and fell flat on his face. Everyone all over the set began laughing historically.

Wirt groaned as he lifted himself up. "Let me guess, you're gonna keep that in too?"

The director gave him a proud smile. "You betcha."

The teen walked over the left angrily. "Well, aren't you the nicest.."

"Wirt!" Beatrice cried out. "Don't step right there! There's-"

WHACK! Wirt stepped on one of the rake they were using and the pole end smacked him right in the face.

* * *

Something similar happened when the two brothers were harvesting the fake corn. Greg was pulling down a stalk of corn to pick from it. When he let go it, it went flying upwards and Wirt was hit in the face again and he landed on his back. Beatrice walked onto the set and bent down, looking at Wirt with an evil grin. "Jeez, Wirt. Stop getting hit in the face so much."

"And i suppose you're gonna keep that in too?" He grumbled.

"Nah, we wrote that in and told Greg to do it on purpose."

"What? Why!?"

"Revenge. For all of your whining."

* * *

Next, the brothers were digging holes out beyond the fields. Both of them were throwing dirt high up into the air with large shovels. Greg was having a hard time with it all and he really had to dig with a lot of effort.

He really struggled when he had to deal with a huge lump that was hard and heavy. Once he managed to fling it into the air, it flew over into the other hole beside him. A loud yelp cried out and out popped Wirt, with his hair completely covered in dirt.

* * *

"Right. Yeah, uh, you know, we were digging, and there were too many rocks. You guys don't like rocks, right?" Wirt panicked as he tried to distract the citizens of Pottsfield, who were really just people in costumes. All of them murmured to each other, but they still sounded as if they were in an agreement. "Uh, the rocks. Yeah, they- they were, um, you know. They- they... they got in the way of all the- well, the dirt, you kno- Ah!"

"Wirt? What's wrong?"

"I bit my tongue..."

* * *

Beatrice and Lorna walked quietly into one of the closets near by. Both of them were quietly snickering maliciously and Beatrice was holding a large piece of cardboard.

"You got the phone?" Beatrice asked.

"Yup!"

The red head sat in a chair in the middle of the room and held up board that had a fake phone number on it as Lorna held up the phone.

"Hello, my name is Beatrice Everstill, and i am here to talk to about Wirt abuse. Wirt abuse happens almost everyday and is caused by Pat Mchales and Cartoon Network Writers alike. Wirts are often left with only ten episodes and pilot to survive, constantly hurt themselves, and have crippling social anxiety. This needs to stop. If you're interested in putting an end to this cruel madness or want to learn more on Wirt abuse prevention, go on our website or dial this phone number. Dial now and we'll give you free potatoes and molasses."


End file.
